I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
