All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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