did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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