Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
