My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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