Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
