She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
