My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
