At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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