You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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