You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize