Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
