And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
