i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sober January is a disaster.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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