i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she smelled like a LAN party
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
