I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
