Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
