evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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