If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
