i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
