We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
