yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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