We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
