it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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