I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
