he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize