drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
