he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
