Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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