I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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