great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize