roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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