I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize