A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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