I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
