need another drink. this is the easiest way
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize