Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
