I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
