so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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