I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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