How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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