we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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