my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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