I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
