Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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