If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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