I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She needs sedatives and a leash
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
