woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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