batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
