These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
