I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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