you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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