dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
only if we run a train.
done.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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