Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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