woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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