Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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