Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
