then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
