I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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