Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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