i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
