drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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