I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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