There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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