did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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