that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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