What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
