i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
