I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
