I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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