went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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