I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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