I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
