can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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